funny
Quotations
Quotations on the topic of ‘funny’ from all listed authors (click on the ‘click to view listing’ links to view each quote in full).
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“A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life but the obstacle that has to be overcome is key.” -Jennifer Lopez
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“I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don’t know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh.” -Jenny McCarthy
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“The funny thing is people won’t let me pay for things. I’ll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, ‘Oh no, it’s on the house.’” -Richard Branson
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“I watch things that are fun, or funny, or interesting.” -Martha Plimpton
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“No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny, but he was.” -Annie Leibovitz
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“I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.” -Lena Dunham
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“I’m not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I’ll be funny in real life. It’s the inevitable disappointment of meeting me.” -Jonathan Safran Foer
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“I’ve thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.” -Elayne…
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“I love readings and my readers, but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright, and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud, and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny…
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“I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.” -Will Ferrell
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“Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it’s a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the funny novel is doomed.” -Neil Gaiman
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“We’ve seen some insane signs: ‘Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?’ Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, ‘I will do unspeakable things.’ I thought that was very interesting – and mildly terrifying!” -Josh Hutcherson
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“I don’t really get shaken very much. People could heckle me, a spotlight could go out, I could forget a lyric… I’m not operating on somebody’s brain, you know what I mean? So I just think it’s all funny.” -Harry Connick, Jr.
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“Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others’ discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it’s funny.” -Shahrukh Khan
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“And I like to keep whatever is mine remaining that way. It’s a funny little game to play and it’s a slippery slope. I always say to myself I’m never going to give anything away because there’s never any point or benefit for me.” -Kristen Stewart
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“‘Come out’ is so funny to me because I’ve never been in.” -Adam Lambert
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“There’s also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.” -Larry David
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“Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you’re younger. But I haven’t abandoned the genre: I love falling down I love Lucille Ball. It’s just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can’t convincingly portray at this age.” -Julia Roberts
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“It’s funny, but you get to a time in your life when you think you have all the friends you will ever have.” -Liam Neeson
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“Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.” -Susan Sontag
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“It’s funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they’ll do practically anything you want them to.” -J. D. Salinger
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“Very often, I don’t make it through moments of recording because it is genuinely funny and absolutely ridiculous that a 60-year-old grown man is making these noises.” -David Ogden Stiers
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“I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It’s embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.” -Keanu Reeves
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“Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.” -Quentin Crisp
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“Don’t remember me as too nice or beautiful or funny, because then you’ll be disappointed.” -Celia Johnson
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“I don’t like comedy. I like funny things. I don’t like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, ‘Oh Jesus.’” -Louis C. K.
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“The funny thing is I’m not bothered or sad about being on my own – after all I’ve never had a husband.” -Francesca Annis
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“Sometimes I think what I write is funny in its quiet way.” -Doris Lessing
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“Actually I never did stand up. I’m not that funny.” -Maynard James Keenan
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“The funny thing is, the girls that I’m always up against for roles are pretty nice and cool, like Emma Watson. She’s awesome.” -Amanda Seyfried
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“They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What’s funny about that?” -Casey Stengel
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“I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.” -Megan Fox
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“Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he’s also funny as hell, and he’s so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he’s so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way.” -Tom Hiddleston
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“It’s only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I’m skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I’m big, when I was big, I never thought about it.” -Karl Lagerfeld
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“The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I’m really a jock.” -Billy Corgan
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“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” -Billy Wilder
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“It’s funny what a few no-hitters do for a body.” -Satchel Paige
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“As soon as you are trying to be funny or dramatic, that’s when things start feeling fake and boring.” -Joseph Gordon-Levitt
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“What’s funny is that the idea of popularity – even the use of the word ‘popular’ – is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact, the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern.” -Susan Orlean
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“I mean I’ve seen 3D films so far and I think it’s a long way to go before they replace actors. It’s a funny thing with 3D, I haven’t quite got it yet. Yet.” -Daniel Radcliffe
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“Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.” -Michael Caine
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“The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, ‘Why didn’t you do that when you were on television?’” -Conan O’Brien
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“I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.” -Katy Perry
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“Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend.” -Lucy Liu
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“I’m a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys – movie-star guys, where they could help me through it.” -LeBron James
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“You can’t really be strong until you see a funny side to things.” -Ken Kesey
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“I like reading Ball Tongue lyrics and all that stuff. And they published a book, and I wouldn’t give my lyrics, and it’s all wrong in the book, and I giggle. It’s funny.” -Jonathan Davis
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“Karaoke isn’t fair when you’re a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I’m a professional funny guy.” -Chris Rock
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“The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who’s really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.” -Demetri Martin
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“I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go.” -Gertrude Stein
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“It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.” -Adlai E. Stevenson
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“I wear black skinny-fit jeans – I can’t get away from them. It’s funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages, then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great.” -Shaun White
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“One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy’s restroom and she wasn’t embarrassed at all.” -Zac Efron
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“The follow your dreams thing is really important because so many people are railroaded into taking other paths by their family, their friends, people who should be supportive going, ‘What are you talking about?’ Even just seemingly regular career paths, but if it’s not what people expect for you they kind of react funny.” -Joan…
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“Do I have a long-term plan? Kind of. I have a general direction, I think. But it’s funny what comes down the pike.” -Jeff Bridges
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“I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2,000 people.” -Petra Nemcova
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“You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.” -Lily Tomlin
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“I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.” -Jerry Seinfeld
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“Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.” -Joan Rivers
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“Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.” -Adam Sandler
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“I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.” -Leonardo DiCaprio
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“My hair has never been my greatest feature, so that was funny enough unto itself that my hair became so focused on.” -Jennifer Aniston
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“The middle class is so funny, it’s the class I know best, and it’s the class where you find the most pretension, so that’s what makes the middle classes so funny.” -J. K. Rowling
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“It’s to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that’s my method.” -Edward Hopper
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“Do you know, it’s funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage.” -Stevie Wonder
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“Keep your sense of humor, my friend if you don’t have a sense of humor it just isn’t funny anymore.” -Wavy Gravy
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“Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world – and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I’d like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy – a mixture of the two would…
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“‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels’ is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director – who were just fun.” -Steve Martin
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“No matter how popular you are as a stand-up – you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny – it’s delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it’s not about you, that it’s about the people who are nominated, and respect…
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“It’s funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy.” -Hedy Lamarr
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“There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.” -Jean Baudrillard
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“I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their…
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“Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying then without money?” -Ogden Nash
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“I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don’t care. For me, it’s really about who I surround myself with, so I just try to always be with hilarious people.” -Kesha
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“It’s a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing.” -Zora Neale Hurston
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“One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.” -William Feather
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“I don’t care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I’ll laugh because they’ll probably be funny.” -Paula Deen
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“You know how old I am? I’m so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That’s how old I am.” -Rush Limbaugh
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“In my circle of friends, I’ve always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don’t want the spotlight on me.” -Rosie Perez
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“I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It’s just funny.” -Taylor Swift
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“I got a lot of support from my parents. That’s the one thing I always appreciated. They didn’t tell me I was being stupid they told me I was being funny.” -Jim Carrey
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“As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one’s friends’ and relatives’ children.” -P. J. O’Rourke
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“I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.” -Woody Allen
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“I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.” -Angelina Jolie
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“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.” -Peter Ustinov
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“God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.” -Garrison Keillor
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“Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child’s tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It’s not funny and it’s not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn’t the least bit funny.” -Ben Stein
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“Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie… a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.” -George Orwell
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“It’s funny how you never think about the women you’ve had. It’s always the ones who get away that you can’t forget.” -Chuck Palahniuk
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“It is not funny that anything else should fall down only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.” -Gilbert K. Chesterton
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“It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.” -Bill Hicks
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“You know the funny thing, I don’t get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.” -Donald Trump
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“The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.” -David Ogilvy
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“I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.” -Stephen King
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“There’s nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It’s a total turn-off.” -Doug Coupland
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“I’m blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I’m sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I’m nice – and I like to eat.” -Paris Hilton
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“I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don’t know. I mean, how can you tell?” -Andy Warhol
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“The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ but ‘That’s funny…’” -Isaac Asimov
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“All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.” -Mitch Hedberg
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“If I studied all my life, I couldn’t think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.” -Will Rogers
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“Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it’s really how it works.” -Steve Jobs
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“Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.” -William Arthur Ward
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“It’s funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.” -Jimi Hendrix
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“It’s a funny thing about life if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” -W. Somerset Maugham
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“I saw 28 Days. I don’t remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It’s a big landfill.” -Charlie Sheen
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“A man’s got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.” -Ernest Hemingway
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“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” -Stephen Hawking
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“Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren’t so exciting.” -Bill Gates
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“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.” -Bill Cosby
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“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.” -George Bernard Shaw
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“Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.” -Dennis Miller
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“I’m thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.” -Paula Poundstone
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“Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.” -Chevy Chase
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“Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.” -George Lopez
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“I’m a misplaced American, but don’t know where I was misplaced.” -Ruby Wax
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“I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.” -Howard Nemerov
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“If man knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they’d never marry.” -O. Henry
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“I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.” -Dylan Moran
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“I’m kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.” -James Brown
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“I’d never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.” -Mercedes McCambridge
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“I’m the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.” -Mickey Rooney
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“Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they’re home. I’m that way at Saks.” -Caroline Rhea
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“You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, it’s kind of a lifestyle and it’s easy to get caught up in it – you go to bars, you go to clubs, everyone’s doing a certain thing… It’s tough.” -Eminem
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“I was asked to act when I couldn’t act. I was asked to sing ‘Funny Face’ when I couldn’t sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn’t dance – and do all kinds of things I wasn’t prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.” -Audrey Hepburn
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“From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.” -Dr. Seuss
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“It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.” -Robert Frost
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“I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.” -Fred Allen
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“Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.” -Don Marquis
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“The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.” -Joe E. Lewis
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“People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.” -Logan P. Smith
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“Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?” -Robert Benchley
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“It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.” -Jay London
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“I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.” -Richard Lewis
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“I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.” -Norman Wisdom
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“The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.” -Arthur C. Clarke
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“I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host.” -David Letterman
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“My mother was against me being an actress – until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.” -Angie Dickinson
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“When I go to a bar, I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.” -David Brenner
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“If I have to lay an egg for my country, I’ll do it.” -Bob Hope
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“Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.” -Cathy Guisewite
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“Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.” -James Thurber
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“I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.” -Arthur Conan Doyle
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“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.” -Jack Benny
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“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” -Jimmy Durante
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“Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.” -Lewis Mumford
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“The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I’d been up all night inventing the Camcorder.” -Al Gore
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“I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.” -Michael J. Fox
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“I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.” -Roy Orbison
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“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” -George Burns
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“There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.” -Josh Billings
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“In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” -Rita Rudner
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“There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice.” -Lewis Black
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“Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.” -Marilyn vos Savant
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“I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.” -Gloria Steinem
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“God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.” -Naguib Mahfouz
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“My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?” -Margaret Smith
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“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” -Les Dawson
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“Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.” -Alfred Hitchcock
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“Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.” -Laurence J. Peter
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“If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.” -Henny Youngman
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“I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.” -Emo Philips
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“If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.” -Mel Brooks
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“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” -Johnny Carson
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“If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.” -Rob Corddry
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“If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.” -William Lyon Phelps
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“If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?” -Robin Williams
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