Groucho Marx
Quotations
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“In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.” -Groucho Marx
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“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” -Groucho Marx
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“It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.” -Groucho Marx
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“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” -Groucho Marx
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“Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.” -Groucho Marx
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“Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.” -Groucho Marx
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“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.” -Groucho Marx
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“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.” -Groucho Marx
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“Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.” -Groucho Marx
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“The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.” -Groucho Marx
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“Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.” -Groucho Marx
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“I’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining.” -Groucho Marx
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“All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.” -Groucho Marx
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“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” -Groucho Marx
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“She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.” -Groucho Marx
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“Well, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.” -Groucho Marx
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age. – Groucho Marx
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