Elayne Boosler

Quotations

  • “When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.” -Elayne Boosler

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  • “I’ve thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.” -Elayne…

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  • “I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.” -Elayne Boosler

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  • “I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It’s not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It’s the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is ‘Delete.’” -Elayne Boosler

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  • “Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?” -Elayne Boosler

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  • “The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born.” -Elayne Boosler

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  • “When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.” -Elayne Boosler

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  • “Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There’s nothing more satisfying.” -Elayne Boosler

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  • “I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It’s not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It’s the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is ‘Delete.’” -Elayne Boosler

    (click to view listing)

  • “I’ve thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.” -Elayne…

    (click to view listing)

  • “I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.” -Elayne Boosler

    (click to view listing)

  • “I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It’s not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It’s the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is ‘Delete.’” -Elayne Boosler

    (click to view listing)

  • “I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It’s not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It’s the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is ‘Delete.’” -Elayne Boosler

    (click to view listing)

  • I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. – Elayne Boosler

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