George Carlin
Quotations
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“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” -George Carlin
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“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I’m sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.” -George Carlin
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“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.” -George Carlin
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“What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?” -George Carlin
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“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.” -George Carlin
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“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” -George Carlin
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“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” -George Carlin
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“When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.” -George Carlin
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“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.” -George Carlin
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“There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.” -George Carlin
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“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.” -George Carlin
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“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?” -George Carlin
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“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” -George Carlin
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“At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.” -George Carlin
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“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.” -George Carlin
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If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. – George Carlin
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