Ambrose Bierce
Quotations
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“Convent – a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Experience – the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is – it is her shadow.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Perseverance – a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Land: A part of the earth’s surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Irreligion – the principal one of the great faiths of the world.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Enthusiasm – a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.” -Ambrose Bierce
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“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” -Ambrose Bierce
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Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. – Ambrose Bierce
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