Dave Barry
Quotations
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“Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.” -Dave Barry
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“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” -Dave Barry
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“Guys are simple… women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.” -Dave Barry
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“I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.” -Dave Barry
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“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.” -Dave Barry
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“The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn’t have eyeballs or fins.” -Dave Barry
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“It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.” -Dave Barry
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“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” -Dave Barry
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“Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.” -Dave Barry
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“The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.” -Dave Barry
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“The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.” -Dave Barry
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“The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.” -Dave Barry
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“The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.” -Dave Barry
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“I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.” -Dave Barry
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“Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.” -Dave Barry
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“Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.” -Dave Barry
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“We’ll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.” -Dave Barry
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“Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.” -Dave Barry
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“It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.” -Dave Barry
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“Guys are simple… women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.” -Dave Barry
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“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.” -Dave Barry
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“The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.” -Dave Barry
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“I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.” -Dave Barry
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“The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.” -Dave Barry
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“The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.” -Dave Barry
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“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.” -Dave Barry
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“As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.” -Dave Barry
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“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.” -Dave Barry
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“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.” -Dave Barry
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“The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.” -Dave Barry
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“The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.” -Dave Barry
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“I want a pit crew… I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.” -Dave Barry
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“Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.” -Dave Barry
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“It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.” -Dave Barry
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The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. – Dave Barry
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